Balance

The key to keeping your balance is knowing when you've lost it. Anonymous

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I love the quote above, but if I am honest I think it should read just a bit differently. I would say the key to keeping your balance is knowing when you're about to lose it.  As humans, however, we do not often have that blessed foresight that would keep us from crashing and burning as we so often do.  

Balance is one of those trendy words that is thrown around a lot today. I've heard people say they are working to keep a 'work-life balance.'  I always wonder how exactly they can do that or truly if they really even understand what it means.  If you asked me the question, "do you wish to lead a balanced life?" my answer is yes!  However, it's sometimes very hard to figure out what exactly that balance should be. 

In truth it isn't just work & life that need to be balanced, it's life in general.  Your home life, family life, work life, volunteering life, spiritual life etc.  I would suggest that in this day and age of constant communication it is really hard to do that, at least for me.

I've been through this before, unfortunately. I can look back at a handful of points in my life where I would say that I approached 'burnout'.  I have a hard time saying no to others and ultimately I tend to overcommit myself.  I hate to let people down but in the end I run myself ragged.  It's a fine line between being selfish with your time and being wise with your time. I don't like to be seen as selfish but unfortunately that often leads me to act unwisely.

Part of this process of getting 'healthy' goes beyond just the physical goal of losing weight and climbing to Everest Base Camp. It is also about me restoring balance (or at least figuring out what that might look like for me).  I love my job and I think I'm pretty good at it too. When I first started it almost five years ago I wasn't busy enough.  I'm not sure when that changed but now I have the opposite problem, I'm too busy! I first realized it last year when my mom was sick. I was incredibly busy between work and taking care of her. After she passed away I expected that to ease just a bit but if anything I feel even more busy.

It's not just as simple as leaving on time at the end of the workday however. I have made commitments to projects that I must (and want to) fulfill. It will not be fixed overnight. However, I want to begin looking at my life through a more balanced lens.  What am I called to do with this life and how can I best organize my time to accomplish that?  For starters that means having some different priorities. I am trying to get involved in a local church (beyond just attending) and also to find time to exercise as simple as that sounds.  Certain weeks of the month I find myself with early mornings and late nights which doesn't leave a lot of down time.  I don't have many answers right now but at least I am beginning to think about it. I think that is a good first step.  

Surely I'm not alone in feeling this way  .Who else feels too busy & overwhelmed?

Smart Choices...

If I am successful in meeting my goals it will be the result of a million good choices that I made along the way. I wish that it were as easy as making the decision once, but I know that it is more than that. Undoubtedly I will make a few bad choices along the way as well.

Tonight, however, I am celebrating a couple good decisions that I made today.  I had a huge work event yesterday that left me feeling very physically exhausted. I got home at a normal time tonight and instead of laying on the couch (like I wanted to) I decided to lace up my new sneakers and go for a walk. I walked for an hour, did some crunches and push ups and then went for a quick swim.  That was a great set of decisions for a couple reasons.  First, it got me moving. I've been making healthier eating choices this month but I haven't had the time to start any exercise regimen.  This was a terrific start. I always feel better (and sleep better) when I've done some exercise.  Secondly, it was a great decision as I also strive to get a better sense of balance in my life. I'll share more about that in the coming weeks but as I've said before, this isn't just a physical journey for me.  Another piece of it is restoring this work-life balance that I seemed to lose at some point.

My second wise choice today was pretty simple, I ate the lunch I took to work. I was temped to go out for a quick bite when I was running errands (and that was definitely something I used to do often) but I stuck to my original plan. In fact, I've been making and taking my lunch to work pretty regularly all month.

I know I don't weigh in officially until Wednesday but I can usually tell when I've lost some weight. I've been feeling that way for a couple days so I let curiosity get the better of me tonight and I have indeed lost weight!  From July I am down a total of 6.4 lbs and from March a total of 11.4 lbs!

That's a great way to end the day. One decision at a time!

Weigh-in Wednesday

Enough about perspective, it's time to update you on how I am actually doing.  Well...see that is why perspective is so important.  Strictly speaking I'm still down 3.2 lbs from where I started this journey (down at least 8 lbs from my highest weight) but that is a couple pounds higher than I was last time.

That is why perspective is so important and also why I'm not ONLY measuring my success by the scale.  See in the last few weeks I've traveled twice and when I was home, I had a very busy schedule.  That's one of my big problems right now, I don't always have complete control over what I'm eating (I can, of course, control portions though).  Looking back over the last few weeks and where I've been I am actually pleased that I'm doing as well as I am.

A couple other good things:

• I've been making healthier choices even when I go out.  I've been trying to skip fried foods if at all possible.  Today I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich. I love grilled chicken but usually when I go out that is when I give in and get a fried chicken sandwich. Today I restrained myself, and I didn't force myself to finish the meal. I stopped when I was full!
• I haven't been able to get on a regular walking schedule yet, but in LA and certainly last weekend in Michigan I had days with extensive walking. In fact, the day I got to LA I went out to explore the city on foot so I could work in a little exercise!
• Tonight I went for a swim when I got home. Swimming laps and treading water is great exercise!
• I've been taking my lunch almost every day (except today when I left it at home) and eating lots of fruit with my sandwich.

This whole move to get healthier encompasses more than just my weight. I also realize that I am just too busy. I'm trying to fix that but I'm involved in a number of things with commitments right now so it's going to take a little time to get my schedule evened out a bit.  It's easy as a single person to over-commit yourself. No one is waiting at home for me so I just keep saying yes.  Part of this process is realizing that its better to do a few things and do them well than to try to be all things to all people.

Next week I hope to have taken off those couple extra pounds and I see no reason why I won't do that. I'm taking this one day and one decision at a time...

Just for fun...a photo I took in LA.

That elusive virtue...patience

I used to joke with my friends in college that patience was a virtue........that I didn't have!  (Hey, I never claimed to be a comedian.)  Certainly those who have known me longest might find some truth in my joke.  However, as with many other things in life, the truth isn't quite as cut and dried as that. 

I readily admit that I can be incredibly impatient in certain situations.  For example, after driving for two years in Washington DC when I was younger I have a very limited amount of patience behind the wheel.  I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is at this point.  That's exhibit A.

And yet, I have been known to have patience as well.  Many years ago I worked methodically to pay off some debt I had accumulated.  It took a couple years, and was not without failure, but in the end I accomplished it.

In LA I had a chance to visit the Getty Center, which is this incredible art museum perched atop a hill in the Santa Monica mountains. The view was absolutely breathtaking.  Actually, the museum itself was a work of art and quite intriguing to visit.  The major piece that they have on display there is Van Gogh's Irises.

It's a very famous piece of artwork.  From this view the work of the painter comes together seamlessly.  I'm hardly an art scholar but even I can appreciate a masterpiece!  But let's take a closer look:

Looking at the painting a bit closer you begin to see the individual brushstrokes that went into this masterpiece.  I love looking at paintings up close like this and marveling at the genius of the artists.  Van Gogh must have been able to envision the end result even before he put a single brush on the canvas.  The paint is very thick in some places and you can see that he must have had to spend some significant time completing even just one part of this piece. Artistically, I have no creative bone in my body like this and to study it up close just boggles my mind! I am left in awe of what this talented person left behind.

In creating a painting of this size, Van Gogh also showed an incredible amount of patience. He painted this in the year before he died, a time of prolific creation for him.  His patience wasn't demonstrated by the passage of time but in the careful patience of an artist who was bringing a vision in his mind to life. Each stroke brought him closer to his goal.

I reflect on this because it reminds me that the goals I have set forth for myself are 'masterpiece' goals. I am not aiming to complete a paint-by-number goal, where the work is laid out before me and very likely one-dimensional.  No, my goals are many, layered and very complex.  This blog is a chance for me to step back from the area where I am working and view my work in totality.  Patience is absolutely essential for my success!

Unfortunately, I don't have the talent of a master. I am a mere, fallible mortal after all.  However with God's help I am working to accomplish the impossible!

Just for fun, here's a photo from the Getty Center (I highly recommend a visit):

The view from 30,000 feet...

So, the timestamp on my last post tells me that it's been a fair amount of weeks since I've posted. Yikes! I did not mean to let that much time go between entries.  I've had a couple people ask if I am still aiming for my goals and the answer is YES!  I'm still working on making healthy choices.  I've been doing a little traveling lately so that has made it hard for me to keep up with the online part of everything.  Rest assured I'm still working hard though!

This photo is the view from my airplane window as we flew over Arizona.  Earlier this month I went to LA for a work trip that I ended up extending by a few days to do a bit of touring.  I love looking out of the windows of airplanes - when there is something to see. I spied the Mississippi River, the Missouri River (evidently still flooding), the edge of the Grand Canyon, Lake Mead and the Hoover Dam among other things.

It's amazing how far you can see from up there (incidentally, we were cruising around 35,000 ft.... Mt. Everest base camp is about halfway down around 18,000. Whoa, that put it in a bit of perspective).  Life's everyday problems seem so far away when you look at things from that height.  Everyday life is a bit like what I would imagine exploring that canyon way down below must be like.  The walls seem high and impenetrable, it's a meandering path without a clear end point and sometimes you feel all alone.  However, viewed from this angle you can really admire the beauty in its creation.

Getting away to LA was a great little respite for me.  Not only did I literally see the world from 30,000 feet I also had a birds eye view figuratively.  Life has been very challenging since I lost my mom.  Some days I feel fine and other days I'm an emotional mess.  There have been times when I got excited about something only to have a door slammed in my face. It all felt a bit overwhelming at times (truthfully, it still does)  and even though I know I'm not alone ...it often feels like I am. 

Being away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life helped me to breathe normally again and see things from a different perspective.  It didn't take away the ache of missing my mom, but it helped me to gather up strength and continue to face this twisting, turning canyon road I seem to be walking.  My mom had a battle like that with her disease.  She never knew what the day would be like, but she never complained or felt sorry for herself. She is truly my inspiration for this journey I am on.  Getting away helped remind me why I am doing all of this.  Thanks friends, for walking it with me. I remain indebted to you for your support!