Carpe Diem

“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die Discover that I had not lived.” - Henry David Thoreau (Used in the movie Dead Poets Society)

I am approaching my birthday here in just a little over a month, it's a time that always makes me a bit contemplative.  The act of turning another year older always makes me pause and assess my life.  I'm not approaching a decade birthday  (20, 30, 40) but it's a mid-decade birthday.  It's also a number that I used to casually toss out as sort of a deadline in my life.

For example, if I'm not _____ by the time I'm 35, then I'll do _______.  For me it was usually if I'm not married by the time I'm 35 then I'll do ________.  And guess what, I'm not married (nor likely soon to be).  So I have to admit there is a little bit of trepidation at looking at life beyond this age. It's not that it's old or that it's even all that scary to be single, it's just that life is turning out a bit different than I had anticipated.  

 

Of course, I didn't anticipate that I would lose my mom at this age either.  This is something that I shouldn't have to face until I'm in my 50s or 60s, not my 30s.  Not when my brother and his wife had their first baby and my parents (finally) have their first grandchild.  Not when she won't be around for the coming milestones in our lives.  That isn't supposed to happen until I'm older, not when I still need her.

 

But here it is and I must live the life I have been given.  This process of losing weight is all tied up into this assessment of my life.  I kept thinking I would accomplish that 'someday' and it turns out that I can't wait for someday.  I need and want to do it now.  It's not just my weight that I've put off. There have been other things (traveling, hobbies, interests, etc) that I've often sacrificed for 'someday'.  I won't be able to do them all at once but I'm trying to start a little at a time.  Challenging myself to push beyond the limits of my comfort zone.  Do something just a bit out of the ordinary.  Live.

 

Of course, some of you who know me might be thinking 'what the heck do you think you've been doing for the last 34 years?"  And to be fair, in my humble opinion, I have already lived a pretty great life.  But there's always more I want to do.    I tell my staff at work, ideas are never a problem for me, I always have more of them! 

So I'm trying to stop putting things off as if I'm waiting for life to begin.  Relax, I'm not doing anything crazy but just trying not to say if I'm not _____ by the time I'm __, then I'll do ______.  If there is one thing that my mom taught me, it's that life is precious and each day is a gift. I have to try to squeeze the most out of it.

A Fun Story

It's hard to believe that it's been almost seven months since my mom passed away.  In some ways it feels like just yesterday and in other ways it feels like a lifetime ago.  Tonight I want to share a great story about my mom that really captures her essence, and hopefully helps you to understand just why exactly I am willing to undertake this crazy idea.

About 5 years ago my mom's youngest sister turned 50.  She decided for her birthday that she wanted to climb the tallest mountain in NYS - Mt. Marcy.  Standing at 5,344 ft. Mt. Marcy is in the High Peak region of the Adirondack Park.  It's a strenuous hike from my understanding and not something typically to be done on a whim but on the other hand it isn't technical mountain climbing either. 

My mom and their other sister accompanied her as well as various other family and friends, all women, on this hike.  (I knew my limits and sat it out! :)   My mom at the time was just a couple years shy of 60 and had no intention of hiking to the top.  She went out on the trail with the group that day wearing her cheap discount store windpants and some plain walking-type sneakers.  She had no trekking poles but having been told by the others that it would be helpful she creatively made one out of a broomstick handle. :) And she set out without a drop of water and only some grapes in a cooler backpack that she had.

She had no intention of going more than a mile or two along the path but one thing led to another and as the story goes, before they knew it my mom was out ahead of some of the more experienced climbers.  Eventually one of my cousins did give her a set of trekking poles so she could do the thing properly.  As you might guess, she made it to the top (GO MOM!) and the picture here is her on top of the mountain. I cropped the others out since I didn't ask their permission to post this but the full picture tells the story.  Everyone else in their hiking boots and gear and my mom looking like she just ran out to go to the corner grocery store and accidentally climbed a mountain.

My aunt said that when they reached to the top my mom looked at her and said "so where is the ride down?"  We laughed about that for a while.  Not sure now if she really thought there was (similar to Whiteface Mountain) or she was just pulling my aunts leg.

So they all climbed down. My mom outstripped them all again some of the time.  She ate her refreshing and trusty grapes along the way (I'm guessing someone took pity and gave her water).  And when they got down to the bottom and my 20-something cousin could absolutely walk no more without her legs seizing up, my mother volunteered to go get the car and pick them up. 

I love that story because it's so representative of how awesome my mom is.  She was 'plucky' and I love a plucky heroine in a good story.  Only she could accidentally climb a mountain.  That's why I hope to climb Mt. Marcy next summer and eventually climb to Mt. Everest Base Camp.  My mom was incredible and it was an honor to be her daughter!

A Small Victory...

Brr! It's starting to get chilly outside which means as much as I don't want to admit it, summer is ending and fall is beginning.  I actually love fall -- don't get me wrong, but I'm not so much looking forward to another long, dark winter. I was just starting to get outside and exercise!

So tonight I went to pull on a pair of jeans for the first time since May and guess what?  They were loose!  *happy dance*  They aren't exactly falling off yet (perhaps another 15 lbs or so) but they are definitely not tight. They were very tight when I last wore them so this is an improvement.

Tonight I walked another 3.5 miles and am up to 120 crunches.  I also went back to Weight Watchers (finally!) this week.  I'm still hovering right at 12 lbs lost. I'm not sure I'll quite make my goal of 18 lbs for this first quarter (which is at the end of September) but since I started later in July that is okay.  As long as I continue my trend of losing weight I am good with that.

Somehow, I know my mom is proud of me.

Game - Set - Match

So last weekend I continued my foray into getting more active.  I walked over 3 miles twice more and continued doing crunches. I also took advantage of an offer from my cousin to go and play some tennis. It felt so good to get out on the court and hit the ball around for a while. We ended up playing for 2.5 hours which made it great exercise as well.

I played tennis in high school but haven't played very much since then.  I'm not very good but I did manage to keep up with my cousin, who is a far better player than I will ever be. (Especially my backhand!) 

I share this to say that it is making me think about what other ways I can change up my exercise program. In the past when I try to exercise I have tended to get in a rut, doing the same thing every time.  Clearly, walking (and eventually running) needs to figure prominently since I am also training to trek in the mountains.  However, I'd also like to work in some alternative exercise such as tennis and yoga to keep things a little more interesting. 

I'm still struggling with my crazy, crazy schedule right now but I'm trying to work in the exercise when I can. I certainly feel better on the days when I can exercise and I also find that I'm sleeping better.

I also went back to Weight Watchers (finally!) tonight. I'm pleased to report that I'm up to a total of 12 lbs. lost so far! 

So how do you like to exercise? What motivates you to keep working out?

Week in Review

 

So I am heading here in just a few hours :).  But before I do I wanted to do a little bit of a week in review post to capture some of my current thoughts.

The Good:
**I walked 3 miles and did 100 crunches 3 times this week.  Up until now I haven't added in any coordinated exercise routine. It felt good to get out and stretch my muscles again.  I figure that since I'm losing weight and also training to trek in the Himalayas every step I take in training is a step in my journey!

**I took my  lunch every day this week.  I haven't officially started Weight Watchers again but I know that most fruit and vegetables are 'free' points now so I've been trying to get ahead and eat a lot of those with my lunch. They are filling and good for you!

**I have started working in drinking water to my daily routine.  I would say three out of five days this week I managed to drink an extra 16-20 ounces of water over what I normally drink.  Obviously that needs to go up, but it's a start!

Needs Improvement:
**Well next week my goal is to do for my dinners what I did for my lunches (ie. get them under control).  I continue to believe that the last 30-40 lbs. that I have gained are almost all related to my lifestyle.  Eating on the go, not cooking for myself, not exercising..etc.  So some of this weight will come off just by changing those things (clearly to take off all of it I will have to do more than that, though).  My dinners this week were a struggle as I ate out for four of five and the fifth one I cheated and got a ready to eat meal at Wegmans!

Goals for Next Week:
**Eat dinner at home at least 2 nights (with a real home-cooked meal).  Hopefully each week I can increase the amount of days I eat at home by one but this week we'll start with two!

**Increase my daily water intake.  I'd like to try to double what I am drinking now.

**Work out again 3 times and play tennis with my cousin!  I do realize that I can't always rely on walking for my fitness (boring!).  Tennis, yoga, fitness classes...something will have to be thrown in to change it up a bit!

All in all a pretty good week.  Coincidentally it was also a quiet week at work. We'll see what happens when that starts up in full speed again.  I weighed myself on Monday and was down a total of 11.4 lbs.  After my disastrous dinners though I gained a pound and a half back by Wednesday (now you know why it wasn't a weigh in Wednesday).  But this morning I'm back down again and actually at 11.8 lbs!

Enjoy the weekend everyone!

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Balance

The key to keeping your balance is knowing when you've lost it. Anonymous

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I love the quote above, but if I am honest I think it should read just a bit differently. I would say the key to keeping your balance is knowing when you're about to lose it.  As humans, however, we do not often have that blessed foresight that would keep us from crashing and burning as we so often do.  

Balance is one of those trendy words that is thrown around a lot today. I've heard people say they are working to keep a 'work-life balance.'  I always wonder how exactly they can do that or truly if they really even understand what it means.  If you asked me the question, "do you wish to lead a balanced life?" my answer is yes!  However, it's sometimes very hard to figure out what exactly that balance should be. 

In truth it isn't just work & life that need to be balanced, it's life in general.  Your home life, family life, work life, volunteering life, spiritual life etc.  I would suggest that in this day and age of constant communication it is really hard to do that, at least for me.

I've been through this before, unfortunately. I can look back at a handful of points in my life where I would say that I approached 'burnout'.  I have a hard time saying no to others and ultimately I tend to overcommit myself.  I hate to let people down but in the end I run myself ragged.  It's a fine line between being selfish with your time and being wise with your time. I don't like to be seen as selfish but unfortunately that often leads me to act unwisely.

Part of this process of getting 'healthy' goes beyond just the physical goal of losing weight and climbing to Everest Base Camp. It is also about me restoring balance (or at least figuring out what that might look like for me).  I love my job and I think I'm pretty good at it too. When I first started it almost five years ago I wasn't busy enough.  I'm not sure when that changed but now I have the opposite problem, I'm too busy! I first realized it last year when my mom was sick. I was incredibly busy between work and taking care of her. After she passed away I expected that to ease just a bit but if anything I feel even more busy.

It's not just as simple as leaving on time at the end of the workday however. I have made commitments to projects that I must (and want to) fulfill. It will not be fixed overnight. However, I want to begin looking at my life through a more balanced lens.  What am I called to do with this life and how can I best organize my time to accomplish that?  For starters that means having some different priorities. I am trying to get involved in a local church (beyond just attending) and also to find time to exercise as simple as that sounds.  Certain weeks of the month I find myself with early mornings and late nights which doesn't leave a lot of down time.  I don't have many answers right now but at least I am beginning to think about it. I think that is a good first step.  

Surely I'm not alone in feeling this way  .Who else feels too busy & overwhelmed?

Smart Choices...

If I am successful in meeting my goals it will be the result of a million good choices that I made along the way. I wish that it were as easy as making the decision once, but I know that it is more than that. Undoubtedly I will make a few bad choices along the way as well.

Tonight, however, I am celebrating a couple good decisions that I made today.  I had a huge work event yesterday that left me feeling very physically exhausted. I got home at a normal time tonight and instead of laying on the couch (like I wanted to) I decided to lace up my new sneakers and go for a walk. I walked for an hour, did some crunches and push ups and then went for a quick swim.  That was a great set of decisions for a couple reasons.  First, it got me moving. I've been making healthier eating choices this month but I haven't had the time to start any exercise regimen.  This was a terrific start. I always feel better (and sleep better) when I've done some exercise.  Secondly, it was a great decision as I also strive to get a better sense of balance in my life. I'll share more about that in the coming weeks but as I've said before, this isn't just a physical journey for me.  Another piece of it is restoring this work-life balance that I seemed to lose at some point.

My second wise choice today was pretty simple, I ate the lunch I took to work. I was temped to go out for a quick bite when I was running errands (and that was definitely something I used to do often) but I stuck to my original plan. In fact, I've been making and taking my lunch to work pretty regularly all month.

I know I don't weigh in officially until Wednesday but I can usually tell when I've lost some weight. I've been feeling that way for a couple days so I let curiosity get the better of me tonight and I have indeed lost weight!  From July I am down a total of 6.4 lbs and from March a total of 11.4 lbs!

That's a great way to end the day. One decision at a time!