Day 3

Today was my third day of working out.  I did the week 1, day 2 workout for Couch 2 5K. Yesterday I did 60 minutes of yoga.  I hope to alternate the two workouts over the next few weeks. I admit, I'm pretty sore tonight.  I want to be careful how much I increase the running at this point so I may end up repeating week 1 again. 

Today I was inspired by this quote:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

 If there is anything I learned by going through things with my mom's illness, it is you shouldn't put off tomorrow's plans forever. I'm a terrible procrastinator sometimes.  Sometimes you have to be. You can't possibly live with a "Carpe Diem" attitude every single day.  That said, I want to slowly start changing my attitude.  Get out of the rut. Do the things you dream of doing.  You may not accomplish them all at once, in fact, you may never accomplish them at all.  But I am firmly convinced that the journey is worth it.

So, what's your inspiration?

My best inspiration

Losing weight is hard.  I guess if it were easy, everyone would do it.  It's not a hard concept to grasp (eat less calories than you are using) but so often the execution goes awry.  I'll be honest, there are days when I just don't want to deal with this. I am tempted to just say "forget it" and eat whatever I want -- and sometimes I do. 

But as I recently traveled back from an overseas trip I meditated a bit on my journey and why I am trying to do this. I thought about all the obstacles I have come up against (the biggest one being myself) and a thought occurred to me that hasn't before.  I have to be strong and tackle this just as my mom had to be strong and tackle her disease.

I'm reminded of that resolve because as I write this my aunt is currently in the final stages in her own battle with cancer.  It's hard for me to make sense of all of this right now, but I can tell you this: my mom & her sister have both inspired me in the way they faced down their disease and fought back.

I had a front row seat in my mom's battle and let me share with you what I saw. From the moment of her diagnosis my mom was an inspiration.  There were no "woe is me" moments, but a clear resolve to do everything she could to fight back.  She had treatments with at least four different kinds of chemo (and all the various side-effects they caused), went through 2 major rounds of radiation, fought of an infection that nearly killed her, spent nearly 6 weeks (not consecutive) in the hospital, walked around with an oxygen tank, took more pills than she knew what to do with, gained and lost weight and had countless blood transfusions.  There was no 'time off' from having cancer.  She dealt with nausea, digestive issues, hives, weakness, sores, hairloss, confusion and more.  Cancer doesn't fight fair.

And through it all, my mom dealt with it with grace.  My aunt has also battled just as hard with her disease.  I wish with all my heart that I didn't have to have this type of inspiration but watching both of them tells me that I come from tough stock.  If they can go through all of this, literally feeling like hell, then I can suck it up and accomplish this task. 

I only hope that I can do it with as much grace and dignity as they have.  Love you two...

Carpe Diem

“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die Discover that I had not lived.” - Henry David Thoreau (Used in the movie Dead Poets Society)

I am approaching my birthday here in just a little over a month, it's a time that always makes me a bit contemplative.  The act of turning another year older always makes me pause and assess my life.  I'm not approaching a decade birthday  (20, 30, 40) but it's a mid-decade birthday.  It's also a number that I used to casually toss out as sort of a deadline in my life.

For example, if I'm not _____ by the time I'm 35, then I'll do _______.  For me it was usually if I'm not married by the time I'm 35 then I'll do ________.  And guess what, I'm not married (nor likely soon to be).  So I have to admit there is a little bit of trepidation at looking at life beyond this age. It's not that it's old or that it's even all that scary to be single, it's just that life is turning out a bit different than I had anticipated.  

 

Of course, I didn't anticipate that I would lose my mom at this age either.  This is something that I shouldn't have to face until I'm in my 50s or 60s, not my 30s.  Not when my brother and his wife had their first baby and my parents (finally) have their first grandchild.  Not when she won't be around for the coming milestones in our lives.  That isn't supposed to happen until I'm older, not when I still need her.

 

But here it is and I must live the life I have been given.  This process of losing weight is all tied up into this assessment of my life.  I kept thinking I would accomplish that 'someday' and it turns out that I can't wait for someday.  I need and want to do it now.  It's not just my weight that I've put off. There have been other things (traveling, hobbies, interests, etc) that I've often sacrificed for 'someday'.  I won't be able to do them all at once but I'm trying to start a little at a time.  Challenging myself to push beyond the limits of my comfort zone.  Do something just a bit out of the ordinary.  Live.

 

Of course, some of you who know me might be thinking 'what the heck do you think you've been doing for the last 34 years?"  And to be fair, in my humble opinion, I have already lived a pretty great life.  But there's always more I want to do.    I tell my staff at work, ideas are never a problem for me, I always have more of them! 

So I'm trying to stop putting things off as if I'm waiting for life to begin.  Relax, I'm not doing anything crazy but just trying not to say if I'm not _____ by the time I'm __, then I'll do ______.  If there is one thing that my mom taught me, it's that life is precious and each day is a gift. I have to try to squeeze the most out of it.

A Fun Story

It's hard to believe that it's been almost seven months since my mom passed away.  In some ways it feels like just yesterday and in other ways it feels like a lifetime ago.  Tonight I want to share a great story about my mom that really captures her essence, and hopefully helps you to understand just why exactly I am willing to undertake this crazy idea.

About 5 years ago my mom's youngest sister turned 50.  She decided for her birthday that she wanted to climb the tallest mountain in NYS - Mt. Marcy.  Standing at 5,344 ft. Mt. Marcy is in the High Peak region of the Adirondack Park.  It's a strenuous hike from my understanding and not something typically to be done on a whim but on the other hand it isn't technical mountain climbing either. 

My mom and their other sister accompanied her as well as various other family and friends, all women, on this hike.  (I knew my limits and sat it out! :)   My mom at the time was just a couple years shy of 60 and had no intention of hiking to the top.  She went out on the trail with the group that day wearing her cheap discount store windpants and some plain walking-type sneakers.  She had no trekking poles but having been told by the others that it would be helpful she creatively made one out of a broomstick handle. :) And she set out without a drop of water and only some grapes in a cooler backpack that she had.

She had no intention of going more than a mile or two along the path but one thing led to another and as the story goes, before they knew it my mom was out ahead of some of the more experienced climbers.  Eventually one of my cousins did give her a set of trekking poles so she could do the thing properly.  As you might guess, she made it to the top (GO MOM!) and the picture here is her on top of the mountain. I cropped the others out since I didn't ask their permission to post this but the full picture tells the story.  Everyone else in their hiking boots and gear and my mom looking like she just ran out to go to the corner grocery store and accidentally climbed a mountain.

My aunt said that when they reached to the top my mom looked at her and said "so where is the ride down?"  We laughed about that for a while.  Not sure now if she really thought there was (similar to Whiteface Mountain) or she was just pulling my aunts leg.

So they all climbed down. My mom outstripped them all again some of the time.  She ate her refreshing and trusty grapes along the way (I'm guessing someone took pity and gave her water).  And when they got down to the bottom and my 20-something cousin could absolutely walk no more without her legs seizing up, my mother volunteered to go get the car and pick them up. 

I love that story because it's so representative of how awesome my mom is.  She was 'plucky' and I love a plucky heroine in a good story.  Only she could accidentally climb a mountain.  That's why I hope to climb Mt. Marcy next summer and eventually climb to Mt. Everest Base Camp.  My mom was incredible and it was an honor to be her daughter!

A nice confirmation...

I went to church today and the sermon was on a passage in Ephesians 6.  Verses 2 & 3 jumped out at me:
“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— ³ “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”  It seemed like a nice confirmation that the path that I am on is correct.  Part of what I am doing is honoring my mom by keeping this promise and I believe God will bless the effort if I stay faithful.

It's been a good week for making smart choices.  In some cases I've even surprised myself.  Thanks for all the wonderful support this week.  And thank you to my mom for being my best inspiration!